Volume 09 – Chapter 1-2

Proofreader: Antsago

So yes, I’m in a relationship now. My girlfriend/wife is Katarine von Stolzherz, and while I usually don’t find western women attractive, she’s definitely an exception. I’m supposed to be happy, and I think there is a lot of me which wants to be happy, but unlike Rine, I can’t switch off my brain for certain matters.

“Dear, aaahn~” I guess, I agreed to try though. Second condition.

This spoon full of vegetable-squish appears almost like a poisonous snake. I mean, I let her feed me before, but I also demanded to make it as casual as possible. Now she’s playing the wife/girlfriend-part again, and I despise myself for enjoying and hating it at the same time, especially because I would have just hated it before. I guess, the acceptance of the relationship allows other feelings to surface now.

Instead of answering with an ‘ahn’, I just open my mouth. I need help with eating anyway, as I lack mobility in my torso. I can do some basic movements under pain, but neither of my arms are able to reach my mouth.

I lick the spoon inside my mouth, guiding the squish to my throat, so that it won’t get stuck in one of the holes my missing teeth left in my gums. Aside from the burning pain, getting it out of the hole would be a long-term task.

You gain 1 WP.

Having your wife feed you while being injured shows how much she cares about you and how much work she’s willing to do to ensure your well-being.

Sometimes I wonder if the curse is capable of using sarcasm or irony. Well, I guess calling me ‘injured’ is it being allusive as fuck. I’m currently a wreck, absolutely dependent on others.

Let’s just get over this meal. With me and Rine on the cart and the others next to it, this breakfast feels off enough. I’m already tired again, I wish I’d know if it’s because of the severity of my injuries and the exhaustion that comes with it, or because my hero-body decided to keep me healing up by forcing me to sleep whenever possible. Maybe a mix of both.

Rine seems to grow flowers out of her hair, that’s how happy she is, and that makes me feel kinda uneasy, as I can’t really deal with someone showing so overt affection for me. I mean, we’re now together, but that doesn’t change my personality or something.

Overall, nothing really changed despite us going out. Maybe if she just said ‘yes’ instead of the weirdness of her demands, it’d be different, but… nah, probably even then. It’s not like I suddenly became a whole new person because of having a girlfriend.

Let’s concentrate on the ‘being whole’ part though: Eat, rest, and get well enough so that Kyou-san can cast [Rejuvenate] on me.

“Whoops.” Rine catches some mush that falls out my mouth with the spoon and puts it back. I can feel a part deep inside of me cringe due to embarrassment, but the overwhelming majority of my consciousness just doesn’t care about how little I can do right now.

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just make a straw?” Ara-san wonders.

“Doesn’t he enjoy it though?” Jii-san adds with the kind of grin that makes me wish to have a functional arm again, so that I can knock out his teeth. The second I have that thought, I immediately regret it, as I now know too well how it is to miss some teeth. Still, I can have that urge, right?

“I thought about the straw, but we don’t have anything we could use to make one,” Kyou-san responds in a flat tone, sounding like her considerations were all for naught: “Also, can any of you carve? How do we do the tube? We don’t have a drill or something similar.” I can guess that she misses the modern-world convenience of just buying plastic straws in a store.

I hate this world.

“Well, then Ken-kun just needs to endure being fed by his beautiful wife. That has to be ‘real’ hard.”

OK, his amused sarcasm aside, I need to ask an important question: “Why do you call me Ken-kun!?” This world’s language and the hero-system’s translation brings up a lot of strange linguistic details, especially in terms of suffixes and prefixes. The only thing I know is that the hero-system decided to translate whatever Jii-san calls me to ‘Ken-kun’, and I take some offense with that!

“Because she told me that she has a palate for calling you ‘Kenta-kun’, so I asked for permission for this one.”

“Not palate, Grekkun, a ‘patent’. That’s something entirely different,” comes from Ara-san, who once again did a minor—yet absolutely annoying and unnecessary—act to make my life worse.

Seeing how playing pranks seems to be how alfar socialize, I should feel honored, but I really don’t. “Stop doing crap like that, Ara-san!”

She’s holding back her laughter and—why do I know that!? It’s so strange, I somehow can tell how Ara-san feels just by—by what exactly!? It’s not like her face shows that she’s glad to be able to get under my skin!

While Ara-san doesn’t seem to be remorseful at all, Jii-san utters his thoughts: “Well lad, when I call you directly, I just stick with lad, alright?”

“Phew… that also seems wrong.”

“Then tell me, what should I call you?”

…

… … …

That’s a hard one. “I guess Katsuragi or maybe, just maybe, Katsuragi-kun.” He’s older than me, after all.

“Meh, too much trouble. I also refer to the girls by first name, right Rine-kun? Kyou-kun?”

“Sure.” “Yeah, yeah.” Well, using -kun with a girl strikes the spot of being more neutral than -chan, without being formal. Just how does he call them in his native language?

“Phew… fine, fine.” I guess, while it’s much more invading than I like it to be, I can overlook it, if all the girls get a -kun as well. “Ara-san, he’ll use ‘Kenta-kun’ now.”

“But it’s my right!”

“No, it isn’t.” Why is she so vehemently defending this? Just ignore her. “Jii-san, I’m thankful for your help, but we’re not that close yet. So stick to ‘Kenta-kun’ and it’s fine. Come on, Ara-san, why are you so pissed!?”

While she’s speaking calmly and collected, I really get an angry vibe from her. “I’m the first one, who called you Kenta-kun. That’s not fair.”

“And I’m telling you-”

“SHUT UP!” It’s Kyou-san who interrupts us. Sorry Ara-san, but she’s clearly more pissed than the both of us put together: “Seriously, why don’t you just take the ‘Ken-kun’ then, I mean, you’re supposed to be his friend, so he won’t mind, right?” She glances at me, expecting an answer.

“…right…” In a sense, it’s weird that Kyou-san is the only one referring to me by nickname, despite being the girl I have the least close relationship with, as she’s a companion, while Ara-san is my friend, and Rine my girlfriend.

“Hm…” Her ears are twitching, she’s thinking about the suggestion. “Me, calling Kenta-kun now Ken-kun? It seems to be too much of an effort to change my habits.” Here she is, the Queen of Laziness.

“You know,” Kyou-san says nonchalantly while taking another slice of vegetable: “Each time you use ‘Ken-kun’, you would save the effort of saying another syllable, which will quickly add up.”

“…I never considered that… You won, Momo,” the alfr accepts readily, as the other girl quickly outmaneuvered her in this debate, using Ara-san’s personality traits against her, namely: Her sloth and her focus on statistics.

Yup, Momokawa Kyou used to be the manipulative class president back in Japan, and now she’s doing the same here.

“So…” Rine now chimes in, as she probably doesn’t know what exactly happened. “How about we repeat what we call everyone. I say who, and the person I point at says how they refer to them. First is Dear.”

She points at Kyou: “Ken.” Then Ara-san: “Ken-kun.” Then Jii-san. “Kenta-kun.” Then finally herself: “Dear.”

Yes, I’ll let her call me that, but I really don’t feel comfortable with it.

“Next is Kyou.” Why are you pointing at me? Seriously, don’t do that. “Come on, Dear! What do you call Kyou?” I stay silent. “Dear, to us, for us.”

“…for us?”

“Yes, for me, because it’d make me happy if you played along. For you, because… Tehehe.” Why do I get the vibe that you’ll seriously hurt me, if I don’t comply!? I mean, Rine wouldn’t do it. She never did use violence to force me to do what she wants, except—a lot.

“Erm… Kyou-san.” I have enough broken bones, and even if Kyou-san can fix them—if she’s willing after I brought this upon myself, that is—I can absolutely go without the pain.

“Great. Now…” She points to herself: “Kyou.”

Then her finger wanders over to Ara-san, and Jii-san: “Momo.” “Kyou-kun.”

“Now Ara. Ah, I realize, I don’t need to say what I call her, don’t I? Tehehe.”

She then points first to me, then the old order. “Ara-san.” “Arako.” “Ara-kun.”

“Now we have Grekk.”

“Jii-san.” “Grekk-san.” “Grekkun.”

“And finally me.”

“Rine.” “Rine-chan.” “Katarine-san.” “Rine-kun.”

“Alright!” Rine claps in her hand, as if we have just played a game, instead of doing a whole unnecessary routine that nobody needed. “Great work, everyone.”

She’s really a simple and stupidly cheerful girl. Just because she’s cute and innocent, she gets away with a lot, because it’s so easy to like her, despite her major flaws which can mostly be written off as adorable.

That’s my girlfriend in a nutshell.

―○●○―

I open my eyes after another nap. Do severely injured people always sleep so much? Are these the painkillers, or the hero-system? I don’t really know, but I guess I should start to use [Dormurnal] again, a skill that allows me to stay semi-conscious while being asleep. “Ara-san, when  will we be back?” Given the fact that we strayed from the road and are on a trail now, I guess we’re close to the farmstead.

“I estimate another three hours,” she replies while yawning. I guess driving a cart isn’t very exciting, she’s just loosely holding the reins in her hands, after all.

“OK.” I turn my head slightly to Kyou-san, who is also sitting in the cart, most likely to keep an eye on me. “Water please.”

“Careful,” she remarks as she puts a waterskin on my lips, slowly squeezing it so that I won’t choke on it, which is especially true with all the shaking going on. Suspension on this cart would be great, but maybe the people here haven’t even figured out springs yet.

Not that I will blame them too much for it. I just recently found out that this world has a different air composition and who knows what else is different here. Maybe even gravity? What natural laws still apply here and what is basically held up by magic? This world and its lack of science and technology makes much more sense now, because I can’t expect that a basic combustion even works the same way as home, so that may be the reason why there are no steam engines or guns here. As far as I know, at least.

What I know is that a relic caused errors in the hero-system in my body and I almost suffocated because there is less oxygen in the air than at home. I guess, the hero-system just adjusts everything that would endanger my health. I mean, seeing how much it already changes our bodies it only seems logical.

“You done?” Kyou-san notices that I stopped drinking and I nod. She stows the waterskin again and looks at me, most likely using [Check-up] to look how I do. “Do you need another painkiller?”

I guess she’s referring to the pain I feel at every moment, but it’s still too weak to bother. “Nah.” I feel an urge to move my limbs, to stand up, and do something. All this sleeping and laying around with nothing to do makes me anxious. “Just bored.”

“You could read that book.” Of course she talks about that one book I borrowed from Rine weeks ago and I’m more or less crawling through. It’s more of a reading exercise at this point, as while being summoned here made me understand the language, it didn’t grant me the knowledge of how to read the letters. It’s not like I can’t read this language, I just need some more practice to do so fluently, especially given how I read a word that doesn’t match the Japanese counterpart only to get it translated a moment later.

“…not really keen on it.” Concentrating on letters and reading and such seem to be a hassle in my current condition. However, this doesn’t make me feel any less anxious, and while I really know that I should rest, my whole body begins to tingle, which is almost as agonizing as breathing. “In times like these, I miss TV.” While I barely watched any, as that would be time I would have been better spent on gaming, being able to stare absentmindedly at a screen without the need to do anything would be a blessing right now.

“Not only you. I’m missing so many episodes by now…” I guess for someone like her, it’s even worse. I guess she has something like a teenage drama show or such she used to watch. I can relate to that, I missed some game releases I was looking forward to, after all. “Let’s talk about Rine-chan.” Well, that’s a sudden jump in conversation.

However, having one member of the party go out with another changes the whole dynamic, I guess. She’s also something like a friend for Rine, though I harbor some doubts how much of it is genuine, how much is manipulation, and how much she hasn’t really figured out herself. “You know that Ara-san can listen?” I hope that will dishearten Kyou-san enough to dismiss this topic for now.

“You know that I don’t care?” She waves at Ara-san at the front of the cart and the same waves back. I’ve been set up!

“Phew…” I feel an urge to ask for some painkillers and just take another nap, but I guess avoiding this conversation won’t do any good in the moment or in the future. “Keep it short.”

“What were you thinking?”

“Particularly?”

“About asking her out. Also, the kiss.”

“Phew… Rine believed she loved me, and despite all the effort, it never really stopped. She wanted to fight Gottfried, and the only thing I could do was to motivate her. Afterwards, it was all down to whether I act like I was tricking her or to take responsibility for my actions and ask her out.”

“How is that taking responsibility, if you don’t like her!?”

“I like her. Maybe not entirely romantically, this may be the ring’s fault, but I mean, even if she drives me insane sometimes, it’s not like she’s absolutely unlikable. I mean, I would never become her friend under normal circumstances, but if being summoned into a shitty fantasy world isn’t abnormal, what else could be?”

“You’ll hurt her.”

“Probably. But didn’t you listen to her yesterday? I think she knows the risk, maybe even better than I do.” I mean, maybe I fell for her a long time ago and it’ll be me, who will be hurt, when she loses all interest in me when the curse is lifted.

“What about sex?”

…

… … …

“Why are you jumping to that!?”

“It’s important!”

“Also very private, don’t you think?”

“I don’t want you to hurt Rine-chan more than absolutely necessary. I don’t want you to hurt her feelings, I don’t want you to exploit her or the circumstances, I don’t want any of that.”

“Oh, because you have that ‘glorious’ friendship with her, right?”

“Ken, I’m serious.”

Seriously, what do you expect me to do? I mean, if Rine wants to have sex with me, how could I decline? I mean, she wants to do things that lovers do, she’s really attractive, and the mere thought of sleeping with her makes me pop a boner! “…aaa…aaa…” My widely open eyes and gaping, drooling mouth are the result of how some arousal made my sorry son want to rise, only to remind it that it belongs in a hospital. Did something tear there? It certainly feels like it!

This may be worse than getting a kick on it! And I know too well how that feels!

Kyou-san’s hardened eyes soften after a moment, after she realizes that I’m under some actual pain, then she casts a [Heal], before declaring: “We’ll continue that later.” She jumps from the wagon and joins Jii-san and Rine, who are walking in front of the cart.

“Ken-kun, you penisbreaker.”

“Hah!?”

“I know exactly what happened. The moment Momo mentioned sex, you popped a boner, the broken bone in your penis then moved, and caused you immense pain.”

I facepalm, and the pain in my right arm made me gag a moment, before I try my best to exhale all the rupturing and twitching pain I feel: “Didn’t I explain it be- wait, that wasn’t you. Ara-san, just to make sure: You know, that there is no bone in a human penis?”

“You’re the expert, not me. While some heroes have a rather active sex life, nothing I learned would give me the impression that there were any changes in their genitals by becoming heroes. Or do you have some to report?”

“Hell no!”

“So congratulations, Ken-kun: You’re an expert for the human male genital, and I have no intention to challenge that title. Would you mind telling me what you meant with ‘It wasn’t you’ though?”

“Luuto thought there was a bone inside.”

“Your penis?”

“Yes.”

“Well, stories about the raping humans tell about their hardened, club-like genitals.”

“Phew.” Here we go again. It seems that alfar in Ara-san’s homeworld have stories about humans, like my world has stories about elves. Let’s say that the human stories of the alfar tend to make us sound like a violent, greedy bunch of rapists.

“So there is no bone inside,” she mumbles deep in thought. “Ken-kun, show me your penis.”

…

… … … … …

“No?” What the fuck is she aiming at!?

“Ken-kun, considering Katarine-san’s genitals, which I saw while bathing before, and I mean, this was a sight to behold-” Her words make me imagine Rine naked for a second, which causes the natural reaction, which then caused another assaulting pain “-I mean, she has blonde hair around it, and it was pink and-”

“—aa—“ Trapped between arousal and nerve-wrenching pain, I feel my body spasm, unable to say a word and form a coherent thought for a moment.

“Oh,” she exclaims with a tinge of regret, before calling out to Kyou-san: “Momo, I think I may have overdone it and accidentally broke Ken-kun!”

After some emergency treatment and some painkillers, Ara-san seems to be apologetic: “I’m sorry, Ken-kun. I underestimated the pain this causes you.” Underestimated? So she did it on purpose! Dammit, alfr traits! “We will continue this conversation when you’re better.”

“You’re not reflecting at all!”

“I truly am. While I was alright to give you some minor physical pain, this was too much.  So I will give up on the physical part of it entirely, and settle on pure mental and emotional teasing later.”

“Just forget it entirely!”

“But Ken-kun,” she cries… Well, not really, her voice has a crying undertone, while her face looks aloof as always, and her ears are rotating slightly: “now that you’ll be having sex with Katarine-san, you’ll end up spending much less evenings with me. I want our friendship to work.”

“That’s why you want to tease me more!? You know that human friendships don’t work that way.”

“But I’m an alfr, respect my culture!”

“Sure I do, whenever it’s not stupid!”

“Alright,” she suddenly switches her mood, and acts like nothing happened. I guess she’s done with getting things out of her system, and she doesn’t linger much on anything. “You seem surprised?”

“Well… something has been strange recently. How can I say it…”

“Using words help?”

“Something has been different since I woke up in the farmstead. It’s like I somehow know how you feel or something. It’s much easier to track your mood.”

“Ah, that’s because of your spirit. How can I explain it… something odd has happened to it, I’d call it ‘tuning’ for lack of a better word.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ken-kun, the spirits of people outside of alfar are strange. If I sense the spirit of an animal, I know its mood. Plants are the same, though their array of emotions is even more limited. If I feel the spirit of another alfr, it’s the same. However, a human spirit is like it’s limited to two or three expressions, and that’s still more than what I get from someone of the Folk.”

“I remember that. Basically, like I can read emotions from a human’s face, you can do something similar by reading the spirit of another alfr, right?”

“Basically. Ken-kun, your spirit now has around twenty different expressions, it’s much more nuanced than it used to be. I don’t know what the trigger was, but you’re the most expressive human I’ve ever met.”

“More than other [Rangers]?”

“Yes. It’s not a matter of mastery of [Spirit Magic], and I have never seen something like that before. I’m sure that every alfar will notice it right away, so whenever one tries to take you home, remember to tell them that you belong to Ara’ainn, the hero-sage.”

“You don’t own me!”

“Technicalities. What I want to say is that, with an extended array of expressions, you may have a better handle at reading my spirit as well, and draw conclusions from it. Let’s put it to a test.”

Nothing changes. She doesn’t change her facial expression, she doesn’t move her ears, even her two irises don’t change in width. Yet something about her seems different. “Angry.”

“Yes. Next?”

“Happy?”

“Good. Now?”

“Sad.”

After some more tries, I feel like a nursery school kid, who needs to explain emotions by pictures, looking at smiles, furrowed eyebrows and such. I can’t even say how I can tell, but I draw a conclusion about it: “So alfar can fake it, like I could fake a smile.”

“Yes. Otherwise it would be hard to prank other alfar.”

“So whatever I have won’t even help me to defend myself better from alfar pranks, and has no bearing whatsoever with any other intelligent species.”

“Unless said alfr is careless and doesn’t notice your—for humans—unusual spirit.”

“So I got an absolutely useless skill?”

“I wouldn’t say absolutely. At least I can now read some basic emotions from you and don’t need to learn your facial expressions anymore.”

“You knew 90% of what I was feeling at any given time!”

“Now we’re at 93%.”

OK, why is she my friend again? While I ponder that question, I notice her awareness, and after a quick eavesdropping, I also notice the sound coming from behind a hill, almost like a galloping. “Probably monsters.”

“Yes.” She calls out to Kyou-san again: “Momo?”

“What did you do this time!?” The same snaps back, seemingly pissed.

“I’m hearing some monsters, but if you think it’s bad to notice them and relay my knowledge, I can detain such actions in the future.” I can basically hear that rubbing into Kyou-san’s face.

“Don’t act like a child, Arako.” I guess Kyou-san’s face is made out of iron.

“Bummer.” Yep, she genuinely just dismisses her anticipation for Kyou-san’s reaction and switches her mental gears on the drop of a hat. She always proclaims that alfar aren’t primarily led by emotions and even with my better spirit reading, I can’t prove it wrong. “Who takes care of Ken-kun?”

…I hate that question. I can totally see where this is coming from, and I agree rationally, but I still hate the fact that I need a babysitter.

Well, I guess I can take control over who does it at least: “How many do you guess, Ara-san?” Her hearing is much better than mine. In general, alfr senses are bonkers, and even though their sight is like a tertiary sense, it’s still better than human’s with the exception of seeing distances.

“Five equine monsters at most. Maybe hairmares, sounds familiar.”

I heard of them, as I did some research in Aroahenn, the village Ara-san used to live, about this route. They use ram attacks with some kind of bone shell at the front of their bodies, while the rest of them is covered in long hair.

In a sense, they’re among the worst monsters for our party composition, as they’re fast and strong. With five of them, they outnumber us, as I can’t fight at all and that’s where mobility combined with power becomes nasty. “Ara-san and Kyou-san, stay with me at first. If they’re really hairmares, we need Ara-san’s magic support and Kyou-san can’t do much more than giving out healing and buffs.” She lacks the agility and combat experience to keep up, and while Ara-san has both in spades as [Acrobat], her [Druid] and especially her [Quagmire]-spell are suited for CC (crowd control), which helps more than putting her at the front line. “Rine goes to the front, you need to carry us here.” Rine is the best suited for enemies like hairmares, as she’s quicker and stronger, but she can only fight so many at once.

Now that should account for everyone… “What about me?” Ah, forgot about Jii-san.

“Erm. Try to improvise for now, I need to see what you can do.” I saw only a little, but what I saw was impressive and very non-descriptive at the same time. I saw him catching arrows that I couldn’t deflect in the past and they even bounced off his body. So I guess he’s sturdy, but that’s all I know.

Well, he said that he’s strong, but that he can barely withstand the recoil of his own attacks. Three or four are the maximum.

“I have another idea, lad,” Jii-san says while looking at where the monsters are coming. “Let me do two attacks, and when something is still standing, then the girls take the rest. That should give you an idea how to use me.”

I think about it for a second. It would help to see what we’re dealing with. I mean, I don’t expect him to be a Gottfried, but if he thinks he can beat several monsters on his own with just two attacks, then it’d make sense to use his two attacks he can make per day early in every fight.

On the other hand, each monster we heroes kill means XP, having him take the kills will hamper our progress. “Can you just incapacitate them?”

“No, can’t do.”

“Alright, this time. Jii-san, frontline. Rine makes a second line, and Ara-san and Kyou do the third. Ara-san, use [Druid] to support the second line, if needed.”

“You can’t put Grekk-san alone at the front!” Kyou-san exclaims, which is absolutely reasonable. Usually, I’d expect Rine to voice that concern, but she looks rather curious, I guess she can somehow feel how strong Jii-san is and now that Jii-san got the OK, there is something intimidating about him.

“Don’t worry, lass,” he says while rotating his shoulders. “I’m so old because nothing has been capable of killing me so far.” I’ve never heard something so ridiculously true and cringey at the same time.

All except me go into position, and in fact five green-brown hairmares run forward. The biggest one of them is at the front, and despite seeing us, they don’t change their course. The odd part is that they will probably miss us if they continue straight forward.

Yet Jii-san begins to run right into their way and the big hairmare begins to run even faster. Then it accelerates with a sudden burst, I can basically see the air drag bending around it, surrounding it. That’s a [Skill]! And it’ll connect with Jii-san!

*Snork*

With one of the strangest sounds of breaking bones I’ve ever heard—and I’ve sadly heard a lot of those by this point, including my own—the hairmare collapses after its body warped around Jii-san for a second, just a mere sack of bone, blood, and flesh, while Jii-san didn’t even move a millimeter.

Then Jii-san rips the head of the big one, rips its skull into two and throws both halves at two other hairmares. I can barely track the missile, and with a bursting sound, the two bodies are torn apart.

…this is some Gottfried-shit!

The remaining two change course, Jii-san picks up a pebble and throws it, and another head bursts like it’s nothing. The last one isn’t able to run far, as suddenly it’s cut by Rine’s [Crescent Moon], a flying sword-slash [Skill].

That was anticlimactic.

“Argh…” Jii-san holds his shoulder. “Just because I can make two attacks without much problem, it doesn’t mean that they don’t hurt.”

“[Heal]!” Kyou-san heals Jii-san up.

“Thank you. It feels better.”

“Sorry, my spells work much better on heroes.” Ah yes, that was a thing. “Don’t overexert your body, Grekk-san. Alright?”

“Too sweet.” Seeing such a delighted smile on his face feels just creepy. Especially given that he absolutely can murder each of us (except Rine perhaps) with his bare hands, whenever he feels like it. I mean, look at the corpses!

OK, honestly, there are seldom clean corpses. I mean, while I try to make quick and decisive killing blows, usually it ends up with me mauling at the body until it’s dead. Even Rine’s kills are often gruesome, it’s just…

Now that I think about it, the only thing he did that I couldn’t see Rine doing as well is how he broke a monster by letting it ram him. Seems like it doesn’t count as an attack either, or more likely, it was just too weak.

“Phew…”

“Thinking about Grekkun?” Ara-san chimes into my pondering.

“Yeah. I guess he can tank a lot, but not as much as he can dish out. Or maybe, his flesh is still stronger than his bones? Nonetheless, we have a very particular case with him.”

Kyou-san is a supporter and next to useless as something else. She can heal, has one buff, some debuffs, and less than mediocre knife skills. She can take on one monster usually, but she’s better paired with someone else.

Rine is a glass cannon. She has somewhat mastered that style, as she evades and parries attacks, instead of taking them. She’s basically our DPS (damage per second; also used to describe characters in games that focus on damage dealing; alternative term: Damage Dealers [DD]).

Ara-san is an off-DPS, but usually our CC and AoE-damage (Area of Effect).

I’m somewhat of a mess, as I usually take the tank-role without even wanting it. I want to be DPS, but with how the party works and how we pick our enemies, that’s how I recently was pushed into a tank, despite having little to support that. Well, compared to Rine, I’m shit-DPS.

How does Jii-san fit into it? He may be a better tank, but does he have anything that supports it? Tanks can grab aggro, but he seems like an alternative version of Rine, same DPS, but sturdiness instead of mobility…

Isn’t he just a better version of myself!?

“Ara-san? Who do you think is stronger? Rine or Jii-san?”

“Good question. In terms of destructive power, I think Grekkun, but in terms of overall fighting capabilities, it’s hard to tell without both facing each other.”

“Don’t do that.” That can only spell disaster. “Heck, how do Luuto and Gottfried measure up against them? I know that Gottfried has to be the strongest…”

“Hm…” While her face doesn’t tell it, her spirit somewhat gives me the impression that she’s… what exactly? I’d call it ‘experiencing several flashes of thoughtfulness and happiness’. “I will work something out, be sure to be impressed by it.”

I have no idea what she’s talking about, but I just take it.

Volume 09 – Chapter 1-1

Proofreader: Antsago

Chapter 1 – My confession went weird

Hi, I’m Katsuragi Kenta, an invalid former highschooler, now hero, from Japan. I’m still probably 16 years old, and my whole life is a multitude of messes and holes that I and other people keep digging.

Where do I begin to explain? Let’s start with back when something in my life went somehow right. I used to be a gamer, basically doing the minimum for school—and still getting rather good grades—and spending my whole time gaming. A bit round, rather unpopular in class, but to be honest, as basically everyone in my class was a jerk, not being talked to was more of a plus.

Then suddenly my whole class—including the two teachers—was summoned into a fantasy world during homeroom. This summoning process also made us into heroes, which changed greatly how our minds and bodies function.

Heroes are insanely sturdy. I can basically force my body to do as I like, even if it’s hurt or exhausted, as long as it’s physically possible. It also heals much faster, medicines, drugs, and such work immediately, and while there is a limit, it’s far beyond anything that most people can imagine.

In addition to that, we have game-like stats, such as [Levels], [Attributes], and [Abilities]. We can have up to four [Classes] that even alter our bodies to match them, like when I’m in [Pikeman] I get an increase in muscle mass and lose basically all of my body-fat. Each [Class] also changes the [Attributes] and the [Abilities] we have access to.

This also influences our minds. As a [Pikeman] I can endure pain much more easily and are more confident taking danger head on, while my [Ranger]-class makes me think like a hunter, looking for weaknesses and propels me to avoid danger rather than to face it.

Other general mind-alterations encompass me not being able to feel homesick and that even my mental fortitude is much greater than I assume should be the case. Heroes just keep going.

So being a hero isn’t half-bad, and as a gamer I can get some mileage out of it, though there are still many secrets to the hero-system and some things just don’t work like they would in a game. For example, double [Strength] doesn’t give me double the lifting capacity. I also still definitely feel pain. In addition, the world itself doesn’t seem to work on game-logic at all.

This leads us to the real shitty part: This world! As you can imagine, the native people just call it the world, and it doesn’t seem to have a proper name. There are monsters, strange animals, several human-like species, and strange human-like people that are literal monsters! There is magic, there are gods, there are so many ways to get killed, and as it’s medieval, there are no games at all, nor electricity, compasses don’t work like they should, and if I weren’t a hero, I’d die within hours because the air lacks the necessary oxygen to survive, and I was able to learn that first-hand! I hate this world!

Also, while I love RPGs with fantasy settings, I loathe being the one who lives in them. I just realized how little I know about stuff like power-scaling in this world, and the only way to return home I know is to fulfill the quest that we got when we were summoned: To kill the demon king!

Which is super far away from the top of my priorities at the moment, because of the next shitty thing that happened to me! While I was leveling for myself, I used a rather reckless method to increase my level, which was only possible by looking for and selling treasures and valuable monster parts.

While the hero-system can identify items and see their worth, the rule is: When you can equip it, you also have to equip it to identify it. This led me to the first magic item I’ve ever seen that happened to be in a rather unremarkable cave, and while it seemed well crafted, it still appeared to be just made out of copper. It’s a cursed ring that looks like a lion and it’s still on my ring finger to this day, and if the curse is active, it slowly kills me by decreasing my Max SP (Stamina Points).

Later I found out that this cursed ring has another side: It marries me to other people if certain conditions are met. By being close to my wives the curse-part doesn’t only go dormant, but also grants us certain benefits, like a whole new system that uses WP (Wedding Points) that can be farmed by holding hands, feeding each other, stuff like that, which then can be spent to power us up in new ways.

Yet the ring also fucks with our minds by giving us feelings for each other. That makes it super hard to discern which feelings are genuine and which are produced by the ring.

I have three wives. The first one is the former president of my class, Momokawa Kyou. A beautiful, yet two-faced girl who used to manipulate everyone in school to look good, make herself popular, and treat people like me as trash. Since we’re stuck together in this fantasy world though, I’ve also started to think of her as my worst enemy and yet a very reliable ally. One that may tackle problems in a totally different way than me, but for now I try my best to trust her.

My second wife is Katarine von Stolzherz, also known as Rine. She’s the former crown-princess of Feuerberg, the kingdom that summoned us to fight against the demons that they’re at war with. She’s very genuine, not the sharpest tool in the shed, and overly emotional. She’s also a massacre machine, though her instructor is much worse.

My final wife isn’t even human. It’s an alfr-girl called Ara’ainn. She may be the most human alfr in existence, yet it still means that she’s basically forever stuck in puberty, often immature, and loves to get on our nerves and play pranks on others. She’s also intelligent, well-versed, and lazy as hell. Additionally, she’s the only friend I have in this world. We just get along, though the curse also fucks us up physically by giving us sexual attraction to each other. It gives her a human-like menstrual cycle, and if we touch each other in certain ways, we get the erogenous zones of the other species for a limited time.

To lift the curse, we want to get to Zethtrin, a big city with a big church and even some people able to use the curse-heavy [Black Magic]. As the former attempt in Feuerberg failed miserably, and with Rine being a runaway princess, it didn’t seem like a good option to try there for some time.

Yesterday, I had the chance to surrender to her instructor, who came to take her back, and get another decurse-attempt there and in an action that makes half of me agonize in pure regret I decided to let Rine make her decision… Let’s say that we came to an understanding.

Before that fateful decision and the duel that followed it, which awakened powers within Rine only the enemy side suspected and knew about, I fell down a cliff, and got severely hurt. I was kinda treated on a farmstead until Ara-san fetched me and we recruited someone new to our party for our rescue attempt: Grekk-jiisan.

We met Jii-san two times before, and he’s also heading to Zethtrin, though I don’t know why. I suspect it’s about the so-called ‘games’ that will be held there. Even though he’s a gray-haired old man, he seems to be a somewhat capable warrior as he was able to totally block out Meldorn—my own mentor that accompanied Rine’s—while I lost mercilessly to him.

To be honest, the last few days I spent mostly sleeping, so I guess Ara-san knows a lot more than I do about Jii-san. I don’t trust him, but he helped us and only asked us to accompany him until Zethtrin. He confessed earlier that he may be strong, but age makes it hard for him to fight continuously.

Yay, another glass cannon like Rine. Exactly what we needed! I’m being sarcastic here.

Yet it currently helps to have another male in the party, as my body is in grave shape. My only unbroken limb is my left arm, my body is a single bruise, and I may even have some permanent brain-damage. Kyou-san, who is our healer, learned a new spell that may patch me up, but it seems to be dangerous, so she wants to wait until I’m better. Otherwise, it may kill me and her by extension…

Is there something else? Well, one thing…

Since yesterday, my weird relationship with the girls got a whole lot weirder.

Because of all the stuff yesterday and Rine, who has been full of doubt, I bet on her still lingering feelings for me—the fake feelings the curse gave her—and kissed her. I feel really bad about it, as this represents something I don’t want to do with people: Using them and their positive feelings for me.

Aside from that, this may have also closed the path of self-awareness Rine was actually treading. The many conflicting feelings I have and had are building up, making me remember the exact moment yesterday and how things got weird…

―○●○―

“Rine. Go out with me.” The moment I speak these words, I feel how the entirety of my inner emotions ties itself to a knot. There is a lot going on, and while I doubt that I’m ready for it, I also know that it’s the right—or rather least wrong—thing to do.

She’s sitting right in front of me in the cart we have borrowed from the farmstead that took care of me for maybe a day. She’s absolutely exhausted by her earlier feat, her battle with Gottfried, while I just can’t walk extended periods of time.

My words cause her to turn her eyes into the upper left corners first, as if she’s wondering what I mean, then suddenly she gapes and blushes, then she blinks, then she closes her eyes for a moment, and finally, her blush vanishes and she looks firmly into my eyes: “Do you love me?”

I avoid her stare for a moment, trying to not get pinned down on an answer without giving it any thought. Of course, the whole party stopped whatever they were doing to watch and listen. Kyou-san looks at Rine and me as if we’ve just decided to start a cult to worship Uncle Jam, the creator of Anpanman, as our true lord and savior. While Ara-san’s physical reaction is just a light twitch of her ears, I can tell that she’s asking herself what she has missed that led to this situation. Jii-san claps his hands, swooning like a maiden in love, which irritates me immensely! Well, of course they’re interested! Dammit!

Back to Rine’s question. I decide to answer truthfully: “I don’t know.”

“So you ask me, because you kissed me?” Her face reddens again, but she’s often honest to a fault and not embarrassed to show affection. I guess just remembering it now makes her blush.

I guess remembering it also makes me blush. I can definitely feel my face heating up. Weird, though it also may be just a side-effect of me scraping at the border of being broken which definitely makes me feel a lot of weird feelings all over my body now and then.

Rine continues, as I hesitate with my answer: “Kenta, if you ask me out because you’re feeling guilty, then I don’t want to have any of that.”

“…it’s not just that. How can I say…” I try my best to unknot my inner turmoil. Fragments of thoughts I had here and there assault my mind, and while some of them sound good, I don’t know if they truly are: “Rine, I’m really bad with love stuff.”

While I may not look at Kyou-san, I still notice the ‘No kidding’ in her eyes, drilling into the side of my head.

On the other hand, Rine smiles: “It’s not complicated, Kenta.”

“It is.”

“Come on. You can hear love in songs and stories. You can see love by watching your parents. The love they gave you, the love you feel for your siblings, all these wonderful feelings. It’s as easy as that, Kenta.”

“It isn’t. I have no siblings, and my parents? Rine, my parents met through a matchmaker and I haven’t seen them even having something remotely called a conservation with each other for years! My parents don’t love me, they were just expected to be married and have a child.” It’s not like I blame them— well, I do so secretly, I guess. “I mean, they both have different bedrooms, and I thought it was normal for a married couple for a long time! I don’t proclaim that they dislike each other, but… love is not what I would call it.”

“You told me they get along!”

“Not exactly, I said I get along with my parents. I mean, they also do get along with each other, it’s convenient and such, but would you say ‘get along’ to describe people loving each other?”

“Ah…” She bows forward, still visibly exhausted, and reaches out for my hand, only to stop, seeing how my right hand is basically a blob barely holding shape, while I need my other arm to keep myself upright. So she gently puts her hand on my knee. “You never told me…”

Of course I didn’t. I’m not a whiner who makes a big deal of my own problems. I mean, there are so many people worse off than me. “Let’s say for now, that I’m an absolute noob with something like romance.” For a moment, I feel an urge to vomit, I cough violently which sets up explosions of pain inside my body and mind.

““[Heal]!”” Rine and Kyou-san cast their spell at the same time, and the pain eases a bit, allowing me to regain my breathing, but I feel ravaged.

“Th-thanks…” I return while holding in more coughs. “Phew… Rine, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you—I just don’t know. When I look at you, I have all these strange emotions I can’t name. What I more or less figured out is that I find you attractive. That while you drive me nuts at times, I somehow end up thinking fondly of it, and that I don’t want you to go away.”

“So you love me, after all?”

OK, what do I want? Fall sideways because I use my left arm or squirm in pain because I use my right one? Whichever it will be, I need to do a facepalm! I mean, I just explained that!

Ara-san comes to the rescue by taking over my part: “He doesn’t know. Taking the curse into account and how it influences his feelings, Kenta-kun is very confused.” Don’t remind me of that crap.

“Then why is he asking Rine-chan out?” Kyou-san brings up the next way-too-good-but-inconvenient question.

“Sometimes you need to be with someone to learn if you love that person.” Jii-san, I’m surprised! That’s actually a very good point.

“Ken,” Kyou-san shoves the life-experience Jii-san showed aside like an annoying fly: “If it’s about the curse, then it’s easy, no? Just compare your feelings towards us to Rine-chan’s and if they’re different, then it’s not just the curse.”

Don’t make me do that. “Phew… then why don’t you use [Empathy] and figure it out yourself, if you’re such an expert in love.”

For a second, Kyou-san may have taken my invitation—one I didn’t think thoroughly about. “You know that I can’t filter it yet. I would most likely only feel your pain.” I also didn’t think of that, but I have little problem letting her believe that I did.

“Kenta,” Rine speaks up as if she’s about to give her final verdict: “You’re thinking too much again. So I have an idea… Kenta, I love you.”

I feel a stabbing pain, which has nothing to do with my physical condition. Then comes sadness, and a chill running over my whole body, and while my limbs begin to surrender to the numbing cold, a scorching heat rises from my chest.

Nodding to my reaction, Rine declares: “Alright. I’ll go out with you.” I blink, as I didn’t expect that answer at this point, “Under some conditions, that is.”

…what!?

I mean, first I expected that Rine would cheer in joy, start deteriorating her mind again, and become an absolutely clingy girlfriend. When she started questioning me, I expected her to decline and that it’d take weeks to make it less awkward. Now she accepts, but only with conditions?

Seriously, I’ll never get this girl.

“First,” Rine starts by lifting her index finger, “Kenta, I love you. That’s true, be it because of the curse or not. So if we break it and we find out that we don’t feel like it anymore, we will break up. Even if the curse makes us love each other, it doesn’t change that these feelings are true at this moment. If it ends, it will end, and there will be nothing to blame, and it will become just a fond memory of past love. Understood?”

…no?!

I mean, if the curse gives us these feelings, then they’re obviously fake, right? I mean, it’s not like I wasn’t prepared to somewhat deceive her to at least make her believe to be happy for a while, but… I mean… What exactly is she even trying to accomplish!? “But if the curse-”

“Shhh,” she silences me without any force, yet strangely final: “Even if the curse makes us feel that way, I’d rather act upon these feelings, but I don’t want to regret it either. I want to have both. Maybe you love me and are just insecure because of the curse. If that’s so, then we’ll just continue going out even after we break it. If not, then we can be happy for the time we had and just become friends instead. Let’s take both!”

OK, I’m utterly confused. Whether it’s Rine’s usually happy-go-lucky attitude or a profound wisdom that I lack, she attained it while I wasn’t watching. Yet thinking about it, it makes the kind of strange sense only reality can have. “…phew… fine. What’s the next condition?”

“Second,” she lifts her middle finger as well, “we will do our best to be a couple, yet we also won’t loiter around more than necessary to break the curse. I’m sure we may falter on our own, but we need to remind each other. That’s also what a couple is supposed to do.”

“…alright.” The hesitation doesn’t stem from the motion to extend the relationship as much as possible, but because of the couple-part. “Just don’t expect too much. Like I said, I suck at love.”

“Un. That’s fine, we’ll find our balance. I may get a bit overboard, as I can only copy the people around me. So while I’d like it if you indulge me a bit, I also want you to voice your opinion when it’s too much.”

“Sure.”

“Now to the most important one: Third!” The emphasis she puts into this and the force with which she pulls up her ring finger makes me almost flinch, but the bracing only makes me squirm in pain: “If Kyou or Ara asks you out, please put some real consideration into it.”

“““What!?””” Kyou-san, Ara-san, and I shout in disbelief, and while I recover from another pain-attack, which is quickly [Heal]ed, Jii-san laughs at the spectacle.

Kyou-san looks at Rine as if she had just suggested her to join a polygamous relationship… which she basically had: “Rine-chan, what makes you-” A single glance from Rine’s fire-eyes show how earnest she is about this request, which silences Kyou-san.

“Katarine-san, you may have noticed that he’s a human, and I-” Same goes for Ara-san, whose eyes are widened a little bit, which shows how perplexed she is.

“Kyou, Ara. I love you too. I held back these feelings for Kenta only for a while, and it hurt so much. I don’t want that for you. Same goes for Kenta. If Kenta wants to go out with any of you, please think about it. Don’t use me as an excuse to not face your own feelings and dilemmas. We’re all wed to Kenta anyway, and I never had a problem with the thought of the two of you being in love with him. On the contrary, I would feel bad if you hold back these feelings, because they’re wonderful and I want you to be happy. Just because Kenta asked me out first, it doesn’t mean that I’m the winner or something of the sort. I also think that with all of us together, it’d be fun. With the two of you, it’d be not sharing happiness, but multiplying it.” I feel like I heard these words before… or at least something similar. “But that’s me and I want to respect your choice there too. However,” she turns to me again, “I ask Kenta to be open about it, if possible. Do you dislike those two?”

“Erm… no.” Is this the right answer? This is one of my most unprepared moments of my life, and that’s after the whole Gottfried-shitshow.

“Great! Then you accept, right?” I’m pretty used to seeing happy, yet terrifying smiles on Kyou-san, but the fact that Rine’s smile right now doesn’t have any ill intent behind somehow makes it even more threatening.

“I… guess?” For a traitorous second I remember several dreams and fantasies I had with the three of them, which were absolutely R-rated, but logically speaking—nevermind, logic isn’t applicable here in any way.

“What about me?” Jii-san suddenly asks Rine.

“What do you mean?”

“What if I develop feelings for Ken-kun?” Why is he calling me like that!? And why this strange question which gives me goosebumps!?

“Hm… sorry, Grekk. Currently, I’d have problems with someone I don’t know well being with Kenta, too. But… I guess, if Kenta and you really feel like that towards each other, it’d be selfish to not allow that love to bloom.”

“Great!”

“Do—argh!!!” I wanted to say: ‘Don’t just assume shit like that!’ but like always, tensing up even a bit causes horrible pain. After some moments of agony, I calm myself down to press a “Rine, he and I are men, for fuck’s sake!” through my tooth spaces.

“But if two people love each other, I don’t think that matters? I mean, maybe Grekk just likes men?”

Jii-san himself smiles: “I don’t know yet. I mean, I was my whole life with women, got kids, and such. Yet maybe it’s time to try something new.”

“Fufufu…” Ara-san laughs out loud, and I hope she’s with her assumption of him just joking around.

Kyou-san sighs and I can hear her mumble: “Why did we accept him again?” Because he’s somewhat strong, helped us in a tight spot, and it’s only until Zethtrin. But I can feel you, Kyou-san, I think he and Ara-san together might crush my sanity eventually…

Time to get back on track. “Phew… now that’s all done-”

“It’s not.” Rine immediately interrupts me and I notice that she still has three of her fingers lifted. “There is one condition left.”

Ugh! With what came before, what strange thoughts from Rine’s mind will now emerge? How weird can it still become?

The fearful composure I feel is accompanied by a strange squelching noise coming from my neck, just before Rine lifts her pinky: “Fourth and final condition!” Here it comes! “I want a kiss right now!”

…

… … …

Brainfart. Once again, all my expectations are blown away, not only by the condition itself—which is something between adorable and mind bogglingly stupid—but also how serious Rine’s facial expression is.

I mean, the second condition was to actually try to be lovers, so… I guess that’s what I’d have expected more or less anyway? I mean, even with us being serious lovers now, it won’t change that I don’t feel comfortable with people getting too chummy with me, but I have to learn to deal with it in regards to Rine in some capacity.

Also, it’s not like I don’t want to kiss her, so… “Yeah?”

“Take good care of me, Dear. I’ll do the same.” With a radiant smile which makes my heart beat like crazy—though its throbs radiate into my ribs, which aren’t happy about being shaken—Rine clumsily goes on her knees, carefully avoiding my legs. She puts her hands around my shoulders, the weight gives me another sharp ache, yet I only feel it subconsciously, as I’m enthralled by Rine’s eyes and her smell, and her lips.

*Smooch*

This is the first consensual kiss I have. It feels different from being suddenly kissed or being the one to smack their lips on someone else.

I immediately feel two urges. One is to break free, as someone is invading my personal space. Yet it’s not that strong, maybe because of months of her continuously entering it, for lap pillows, for linking arms, for feeding me the first bite during breakfast.

The second urge is to embrace her and press her body to mine. Rine and me kissing feels right, even though it may be because of the curse. So I want to have her all.

I feel her arms getting lower, as if to hug my whole body and with a sudden yank, I feel like my side just caved in, while she backs off at the same time, looking at me wide-eyed, as shock of what she just did dawns on her.

I’m in shock as well, and I bemoan the fact that this surprise will last only for a short while. Because after one or at most two seconds of shock, the pain will come…

Volume 9 – Prologue

Almost a year ago.

I open my eyes and look at the tarpaulin above me. While the bed is warm, the freezing cold runs into my face, invading the flesh and bones of the rest of my body piece by piece. The brittle bones grate on one another, causing small pains that are the constant companions of my life by now.

I don’t sleep often, but when I do, I always regret it. I look at the woman next to me, she’s much younger than I, and I notice that something is different from usual. Normally, I get a sense of victory and accomplishment whenever I make my bed warm for the night, but somehow I feel a strange strain from my shoulders to my cheeks, and something alike to pain just behind my forehead. It doesn’t feel good.

Maybe I’m sick. This would be something new, I was never sick before. I don’t know how old I am exactly, but my skin is shriveled, my hair is gray, and my muscles are waning. I’ve become much older than I’d ever expected, so maybe my health has deteriorated enough for me to catch a cold or something.

I slip out of the sheets and look for the trousers that I carelessly threw away yesterday in the act. I grit my teeth to fight back against the chill, but I won’t complain about minor discomforts like freezing temperatures.

With trousers on, I leave the tent. The grass under my naked feet is covered in rime, and I can see heaps of snow around the camp, serving as a cover against the wind. There are several men and women wrestling with each other on an open space that serves as a playground.

Someone greets me from within this cluster of tents. “Good morning, father.” This is my daughter. Or is it the cohabitant of one of my sons? She also wears only trousers. Some of the women of our tribe like to at least use a piece of cloth to make their breasts not sway around, but in this case, there is barely anything to work with. “I’ll fill you a bowl.”

“Sure.” What is her name again? While she looks like a Sveta, it may have been the name of her mother. I’m sure I had a partner called Sveta at some point. Remembering all of them and which one had a child with me is difficult, due to how many there were over the course of decades.

I really have to be sick. My heart hurts a bit. Maybe the ‘exercise’ yesterday was too much.

With the bowl in my hand, I go to my fire and chair. I drink and eat and think about the days my brothers-in-arms used to drop by, back when we were younger and any of them lived. Olvert was the last one, the tribe laid him to rest last summer, and since then, I have spent my meals mostly alone. Aside from the greetings, that is.

Everyone who passes me greets me. This is to be expected for a well-known warrior such as me, someone who lifted this clan out of the dirt to one of the greatest ever known… Somehow, thinking that used to impress me more.

I can’t put my finger on it, but something is different today. I watch my offspring eating at the same fire, some of the younger ones even fighting about who feeds the baby. That’s probably not mine, so either a grandchild or a great-grandchild. They call it Tor. A former chieftain of the clan was called Torvald, so maybe that’s the real name and Tor is just a nickname? Has to be a boy then.

Taking care of babies is a chore. I always left this to my mates. When I was younger, I used to play with and teach the children after some years, at least when they were old enough to hold weapons. At some point, I even stopped doing that.

Fir, Freyn, Olwald, Svetson, then… I don’t know. Hilda, Gunri, Jevska… I certainly have more children, but I forgot most of their names.

What do they have to do with me anyway? What is that? This mushy feeling in my head, in my chest.

I need to stop sleeping entirely. It may be nice after exhausting yourself, but that’s not worth feeling this strange like today. . It has to be an illness.

―○●○―

The current day.

The sun greets the new morning, and I stretch my arms. These old bones creak, reminding me of their frailty. Like every single day. “Urgh—”

“Is something wrong, Grekk?” asks a young blonde girl. Her name is Katarine, and she’s royalty. The oldest princess of a kingdom two or three months to the southeast, a kingdom that has a respectable military might and while it has very fertile lands, my clan only bothered with it once during my lifetime.

Good lands often bring strong people with it. Maybe it’s the good food that makes people that powerful.

“Only age, Rine-kun.” This is her nickname here, though Kati would make more sense to me. Well, as we both are the only people from this world within this group, I shouldn’t wonder about different naming senses.

Rine-kun has blonde hair that barely touches her shoulders, rose-colored skin, and stunningly bright eyes that show the fire that lives within this very cheerful girl. She’s also a real beauty. If I were back in my twenties or thirties, I’d totally try to bang her.

She’s also the strongest in this group. Agile, skilled with the sword, and a honed battle-instinct. Also a hero despite not being from another world. It has something to do with the ring on her finger, but I don’t really get it.

Rine-kun and I did the second nightshift. Or rather, I just didn’t sleep. Since learning how to deal without, I don’t indulge in it often. Especially since last year, when waking up became a repeating experience of soberness, additional pain, and regret.

Though not needing sleep doesn’t mean not needing rest, which has become especially clear now that I’m old. So we had a nice conversation for a while, while sitting at the fire to warm ourselves up. Winter is coming, and I find myself thinking of whether asking for a blanket is already too much. I used to run through the winter topless, but now look at me: Wearing a poncho above my bare skin because I feel so cold lately.

“The sun is up, time to wake the others,” Rine-kun says with excitement as she jumps straight from her ass to her feet. She goes to the tent that stands next to a cart, then she stops and seems to think about something for a second, then she goes on her tiptoes.

“Phew… What are you doing?” The sharp male voice from the tent sounds half yawning.

Rine-kun sways her head slightly while blushing. “I want to give you a wake-up kiss.”

A third voice chimes in, it sounds distant and intellectual: “Would you mind not indulging in your mating rituals in the tent I’m sleeping in?”

“Ara! Good morning!”

“Good morning, Katarine-san. Also, good morning, Momo.”

Now another voice joins the conversation: “Good morning, everyone. Rine-chan, please remember to keep some distance.”

“That’s unfair, Kyou!”

“You broke two ribs yesterday and if Ken and I weren’t heroes, I would have spent hours trying to rearrange every bone fragment!”

“To be precise, Momo, Kenta-kun’s ribs were already broken and she just displaced the fragments.”

“I’m sorry, alright!”

“Rine-chan, I like you, and while you may be more physical than I deem necessary, I don’t want to talk you into that. Unless it causes harm to my patient.”

“But you can’t just-”

Rine-kun gets interrupted by the intellectual voice. “Katarine-san, Momo? I think Kenta-kun has to say something.”

With a hoarse voice, the only male in this conversation speaks up the moment the other two went silent: “Too noisy! My head is splitting!”

“Ah, sorry Kenta.”

“…let’s give you some painkillers and then I make breakfast. Let’s talk things out after that.”

“Sure! Anything I can do to help?”

“Would you start peeling some vegetables? Arako, make some water for washing.”

“You want to wash Kenta-kun!?”

“I want to wash myself. About him… *sniff* Still doable for a day.”

“Stop sniffing me!”

This makes me laugh. “Kahahaha!” This is legitimately funny! Time for me to come in, I stand up and go to the tent, moving the tarp inside. “Lad, should I wash you?”

The boy I’m speaking to is Katsuragi Kenta. He’s rather short and most of his black hair is covered by bandages, same as his body. What is visible from his skin is covered in black and brown-yellow bruises. “Heck no!” Even though it visibly hurts him, he still screams at me.

“Ken, don’t get worked up too much. Also Grekk-san, would you mind not upsetting him?” The lass next to him looks like she could be his beautiful sister, long black hair, dark eyes, and a body which is almost as exciting as Rine-kun’s. Her name is Momokawa Kyou, also a hero.

“Momo, you’ve not been fun since yesterday. Are you so jealous of Katarine-san?” The other lass inside the tent has long white hair in a wild ponytail, and long, pointy ears. As she speaks, her face barely moves, while her ears seem to never stop, which paired with her blue-green double iris, high cheek-bones, and long nasal bone makes her look alien. Well, she’s an alfr after all. She insists on not being called an elf.

“This has nothing to do with it! You know that even if it did, it would be an easy fix! If you had [Check-up] in addition to being able to look at his status, you would vomit! *Inhale* Now we all calm down, being overly excited will only be bad for Ken. Ken, is there anything we can do for you?”

“…” He silently nods into my direction, and I know what he means. Then he turns to Kyou-kun and then asks: “Would you help me up?”

“Why would- oh. Sure.” She seems to also understand, maybe because she can determine his physical condition with a glance?

“Why? Why? Why?” Ara-kun begins to inquire in a tone that maximizes the annoyance.

“Please stop, Arako. You also know.”

“I want you to say it. Because I don’t have the [Check-up]-skill, as you kindly reminded me, and therefore can only make educated guesses. Does Kenta-kun want your help to masturbate? Or is it just defecation?”

I really like the alfr-lass, but when she’s pissed, she’s relentless. “Come on, lad,” I say and grab Ken-kun by his shoulder, lifting him up with little problem. Though it’s apparent that he’s feeling an intense pain.

This causes Kyou-kun to quickly give him some herbs to swallow, and ease washes over his face.

“What are you doing?” Ara-kun asks me in an act of curiosity.

“Just a dick-measuring contest,” I answer in a chuckle, which makes her satisfied enough. Kyou-kun and Ken-kun certainly cringe from that, though it’s actually not that far away from the truth, as the lad has to take a piss, and has problems to do so without someone supporting his body-weight.

As the only other man here, it falls on me to help him. “Phew…” he sighs, lamenting his sorry fate. I must say, for someone who can’t harden up his body, it’s a miracle that he even survived that fall from the cliff. Being a hero seems to have its benefits. “This is becoming worse…” he mumbles.

“The pain or the girls?” I try my best to not chuckle, to sound wiser than I really am. I’m the oldest here, after all.

“The latter.”

“I think they may be butt-hurt.”

“Hah?”

“I mean, your confession and such. You’re popular, Red Ranger!”

“…shit.” He must remember how his confession yesterday went and how it was not entirely what he expected. “This is enough, just keep me standing.” He grabs his improvised diaper that he had to wear while sleeping and pulls it down, then takes his junk, whose colorfulness makes even a former hardened warrior like me cringe, and lets it out as well as he can.

Most of it falls into the diaper as I witness seconds of pure agony, despite the pain killing herbs in his system. “Phew…” After he’s done he sighs in relief and looks at the accident. “…I need help.” He certainly feels pathetic right now.

I can feel this, I was the same a long time ago. In a sense, I’m also afraid to eventually turn into that. Yet somehow helping him makes me feel good. “Time to get you into your armor,” I say joyfully. “Then let’s grab a bite.”